I often see articles here and there about the high cost involved with becoming a parent, and these posts even offer to break it down for the reader. They talk about the high price of formula and diapers, the rising, exorbitant cost of daycare, necessities such as food and clothing of course, but then they also include things you may not consider, like providing a vehicle and a college education. It’s pretty daunting information.
When I read these articles I find myself shaking my head in agreement at some parts, yet also raising a quizzical eyebrow at others. But overall I think my response when I read about the inherent price that exists when you decide to become a parent is that I think about what it has personally cost me.
When I became a parent, like from the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test, things changed. I don’t know if you could actually say that God flipped a switch in my life or what, but I do believe at that very moment He lit a fire under me. A fire to change me, refine me, and begin the teaching in me of what it was like to live for someone other than myself.
As it is now I find that parenting has cost much more than I bargained for when I first threw the idea around with my husband for us to get pregnant, but it’s not exactly the price of all the diapers that ranks up there as a top cost in my brain. Not even close.
You see when you become a parent a strange thing happens with time. Suddenly there seems to be much less of it, but ironically you have more things to do. Yet even in the small chunk of time you manage to carve out between work and other responsibilities you come to realize that not even that tiny slice is yours. It now belongs to someone else.
So pretty quickly you begin to understand the investment you will have to make for your baby, and it’s certainly not just a monthly deposit into a college fund. It’s an investment of time.
It’s true. When faced with the cutest boutique clothes ever, the latest fad toy, or simply cuddles in my lap I can guarantee my children will pick snuggling with Mom. And though they may falter in their decision if it’s something really cool like an America Girl doll or Shopkins, when it comes down to it all they really want is my time. They want to cash in on the investment of time with me.
The cost of diapers is ridiculous, but there’s always someone who would suggest using cloth ones. The price of formula should be a crime, but there’s always a mom who will tell you breastfeeding is free if you’re able to do it. Kids don’t care if they’re wearing Gymboree, Walmart’s Garanimals, or even thrift store hand-me-downs. Mom and Dad probably care more about what classes or sports are on the Summer agenda. Organic snacks are super-keen, but drinking from the water hose rather than bottles never killed anyone that I know. And though children do require basic necessities such as nutrition and medical care the biggest cost of being a parent is simply being around and being a responsible role model to your kid.
When I became a parent my whole life turned upside down, and everything about me changed. Cigarettes were thrown in the trash and bottles of water replaced the case of beer in my fridge. The girl who loved to go get drunk and sing Karaoke became the woman who felt completely content sitting on the sofa at home holding her daughter. And as I sat there staring into the big, blue eyes of my baby girl I realized she was counting on me.
From that moment forward it wasn’t about just me anymore; now it was about the life for which I was responsible. She needed my love, my devotion, and my time. I was determined to invest every ounce of myself into this new life, and that’s the real cost of parenting. That’s the one thing they don’t always mention, but the one thing that they should. Because when you make the decision to become a parent it will cost you the selfish life you once lived, and you will be required to give of yourself selflessly day in and day out. Forever.
I suppose the most interesting part to me is how you don’t even mind. You worry more about the cost of dance lessons, private school, or insurance, and you don’t think a thing about the lifelong investment of personal time, energy, and emotional/physical resources that encompass the role of a parent. It’s like it’s the hardest job on the planet, but you do it for free. And you’re fine with that. You’re fine with it because the payoff of holding a sleeping baby cannot be given a number value, and the reward you receive when you look at your child is immeasurable.
Somehow it makes it all worth it. The cost of being a parent is the biggest debt you will ever have, but the gift you receive in your heart cancels out any price you pay in effort or time. The joy somehow makes the cost seem irrelevant.
And that’s why people keep having babies even as the cost of living rises. It’s like once you see how rewarding raising a family is, and you accept that the real cost is your precious time then you’re able to make it work when it comes to diapers, college tuition, and all the little, monetary stuff in between.
The truth is the real cost of having children has no quantifiable price tag, but also of note is that the payoff of raising them is priceless all on its own.
Rhonda says
Love love love plus we survive on pick 5 for $19.99 with our family of 9
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Absolutely. It’s amazing how little it really costs to care for kids well.