There I sat with a group of other women, eating lunch, and conversing. Some of the women were very similar to me, and perhaps others were not, but we all had one thing in common. We had made the decision to homeschool our children.
As I sat amongst a group of my peers pushing my salad across my plate I frequently glanced out the window at my daughter who ran around outside in a flurry of energy and excitement. As I watched her playing with about a dozen or so other homeschooled children I couldn’t help but notice how normal they looked. They were socializing, and it didn’t escape me that my kid was doing something so many people worried she wouldn’t be able to do.
It’s true. Over the past year that I publicly began discussing my family’s decision to homeschool I had been met with quite a suprising number of people ready to offer me their reasons for why this wasn’t the best idea. And I was honestly taken aback by the number of people who had no personal involvement with my daughters, but were suddenly very opinionated about the direction of their educational journey. I often times wanted to interupt their strong, vocal stance to ask if they even knew my children’s names.
Other than the concerns that I must be keeping my children in a cage, and only letting them out on Saturdays to help me sell homemade bread and honey to folks in town for supplemental income, there also seemed to be a prevalent worry from my well-meaning friends that my children would be social misfits in today’s world if I kept them chained up at the dining room table for school.
“What about their socialization?!” people would ask.
This very real concern for my daughters’ ability to interact with other humans was on the forefront of everyone’s mind, and as I watched her playing and interacting in a healthy manner with other kids her age I completely understood.
You see, I was concerned about her socialization as well. And that’s why I decided to homeschool.
Although it’s been twenty years ago I still remember what public school was like, and I also have the opportunity of being a stepparent to a child in the public school system. I have seen socialization at work, and it hasn’t changed that much.
Name brand clothing is still given more importance than it should really hold, and somehow your ability to obtain these brands help you achieve a certain status symbol in the silly hierarchy that is popularity. What’s a popular brand has changed, but what it implies to you as a person has not. And if placing importance on what’s on the outside of a person rather the inside is a huge part of being socialized then I’m definitely worried about my kids. Like my own mother I refuse to spend irrational amounts of money on clothing for my children so they can be accepted in society, and if that’s what matters then I have a lot to be worried about for their socialization.
Also from what I can see kids are still mean, and bullies still persist. Some people will say “kids will be kids,” and that children need to be bullied so they can learn to grow a tough skin and learn to stand up for themselves. But as a child who is lucky she didn’t commit suicide in high school related to bullying I’ll have to go ahead and disagree. I don’t think kids need to be forced to confront bullying at an age where they are so fragile and still learning their own self-worth. Rather I think parents need to teach their kids not to be cruel and sadistic, but I have no control over other people. But I do have control over my children’s environment. If being bullied is considered just a part of growing up then I have a major problem with socialization, and I’m worried.
I am privy to youth today on social media, and if socialization means it’s important to gain as many “followers” as I can, and my opinion of my self is based on how many “likes” I receive then I’m beyond worried for what society is telling children is most important in life.
When children are so distracted by trying to get a boyfriend or girlfriend at eleven years old because “all the other kids have one,” that they aren’t learning a thing in class then what’s the point anyway?
If you can’t manage to eat a healthy lunch because you’re worried that you’re not a size zero like the other girls then you have to wonder what false impressions society is giving to young ladies. If dressing sexy for class is on a pre-teen’s mind then how much thought is on class work anyway? With so much pressure to be pretty on the outside, and so little emphasis on being inwardly cool then I’m really worried about the direction socialization is taking for young girls like mine. I want to raise young women who base their worth on their heart, not their thigh gap.
And I’m sure you can still teach young men and women in the public school system morals. I’m not saying you can’t. And some of the best influences I received in my life were from teachers I had in the public school system. But teachers can only do so much. The majority of the responsibility rests with parents, and sadly not all parents will send their children out to face the public like they should. That’s not judgement; it’s sad fact.
Not everyone can homeschool, and not everyone should. Homeschooling is not better; it’s just what’s best for my family. And if there’s going to be a concern for my children’s socialization then my question is are you concerned about the socialization of your own children? You should be. All of us as parents should be.
The world is changing, and the view of what’s important in life is often skewed. It’s negatively impacting the next generation. Am I sheltering my girls against this? You betcha I am! That’s my job. Because I’m worried about their socialization. And that’s why I choose to homeschool. So thank you for your concern, but I’m working on their socialization as we speak.
Susan Stafford says
I undstand your rationale for wanting to homeschool your children. However, your comments make very broad, generalized assumptions about ‘all’ public school students. All eleven year olds are not looking for a boyfriend, demanding the most expensive designer clothes, and learning nothing! The generalizations in your statements are no better than the generalizations about homeschool. I have seen the products of both realms of educating children and there are equally tragic outcomes from both environments. Yours is but one example and not necessarily the norm. Your children are young and you have a very long way to go. If a child sits in front of a computer 5 hours a day and calling it education is lunacy. Homeschoolers are known for making sure their child only gets ‘honor’ grades whether they have mastered the concepts or not. How many homeschoolers are prepared or qualified to teach physics, trigonometry, calculus, economics, or world history. Have you investigated the number of homeschooled graduates who do not meet minimal standards for college admission? The majority spend at least a year in pre-college courses, without college credit, to get to college entry level. Students on both sides of the education environment have problems of drugs, suicide, promiscuity, illiteracy, and the ability to function in the society that awaits them as adults. I have been on both sides of this issue. I personally, know that the successful child has connected, involved parents. All parents do not make good teachers. There are reasons why society dictates that teachers earn a degree in education with at least an average grade point. Additionally, they are required to earn more college credits throughout their career to maintain their license. Many homeschooled children are inevitably subject to horrible teacing practices at the hands of an impatient or uneducated parent who assumes the role of teacher. We all wish we had a crystal ball to foresee the road ahead. We all want what’s best for the children. I am sure you know parents who should never be allowed to be the sole educator of their children. I’m sure we both know teachers who should not be teachers. This ‘is not’ a one-way, right or wrong issue. So, please do not make sweeping generalizations about public school education in as much as there should not be generalizations about homeschool. Each has merit, successes, failures and even tragic results. I have yet to meet a sound, logical, grounded, educated, emotionally stable homeschool graduate, but I will keep looking. What I can say about ‘every’ homeschool graduate I know, is that the adolescent stage of development is stunted during what would be the normal adolescent stages. However, it is never bypassed. Those young people will go through those stages as an adult when the parent is unable to guide them, shield them, or pick them up when they fall. I wish you and your children the very best in your endeavor. Be an example of quality homeschooling that transcends all the learning and development necessary to allow the child to have the highest degree of success throughout their lives. Developed to a level that they are afforded choices for their future as opposed to being forced Into settling for less based on the limitations of knowledge, skill, and/or development. My concern, however misplaced, is that your past experiences during your education may be overshadowing your judgement. My advise to any parent considering homeschooling would be to get an education in teaching startegies and cognitive development as well as the ability to pass a college entrance exam or required mastery test for high school graduation, to think long and hard about their level of patients and commitment to 13 years of teaching. Additionally, research school districts to find the one with the demographics, scores, teacher retention and the percent of graduates who go on to earn a college degree. That’s the district where you know your child will thrive within the partnership between you and the schools. Trust me when I say, it works. Best of luck to you and your children.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I guess I should say thank you for taking the time to make such a lengthy disagreement with me. I do take a small measure of offense for you claiming that I’m making broad, sweeping generalizations. When a person blogs about something on their personal website it’s an opinion, and my opinion is based on my own personal circumstances I have faced. Circumstances that you have not faced. I will respect your opinion that homeschool is not successful. Thankfully I will do what The Lord leads me to do for my family, and can take your rude segments of the comment with a grain of salt. Try not to take it personally that I wish to pursue education for my children beyond the public school system, and I’ll try not to take your obvious distaste for homeschooling personally.
Tabitha says
Brie,
I wish the above individual knew you. I would trust my child with you teaching over most “teachers”.
I have no idea where she pulls her facts from…. I personally know several homeschooled children who have gone to college and have amazing careers (with no trouble at all)… And can I say…. Not a one of them suffer socially or have had issues with drugs, alcohol ect…
I’m sure some parents should not homeschool. As some teachers shouldn’t teach. In the end, you have followed your heart and God. Not society. Don’t worry about others opinions.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
That’s a very kind comment. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
notquitewonderwoman2014 says
I am the product of 6 different public school systems due to my dad’s job and moving. I went to 3 different high schools. The first comment mentioned researching school districts, not all parents have the luxury of finding a place with a good school district where their job takes them to live and then has enough money to secure a home in the best district in the area. The good school districts are almost always a more expensive place to live. Parents from all economic backgrounds want exceptional schools for their children.
I also was a suicide risk. More because of the romantic emphasis put on people who are not emotionally mature enough to handle these situations. It wasn’t a teacher or a councilor from school who recognized it, it was my grandmother. I was fortunate to have close family ties even though I moved so much. These tires are missing in society today as a whole and I think part of homeschooling is about returning to the strong family bond that is not as conducive when everyone wakes up before 6 am, parts ways and live totally separate lives until 5 pm.
Loved your thoughts- linked it in my post. Have a great day!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for sharing. I read your article and really enjoyed it. I only have roughly 7000 days with my kids until they leave home. I’d prefer spending that time together.
Rozane Fulton says
Susan, I’m intrigued. As a public school graduate and public school teacher turned homeschool mom, I’ve done extensive research on all of this topics you so confidently shared your thoughts on. Could you please share your sources with the rest of us? I’m genuinely interested, as your findings are the complete opposite of what ice found research and statistics to show. I’m the queen of playing devils advocate to the extent that I’ve actually done google searches for “reasons not to homeschool” and “reasons homeschooling is bad.” The results…nothing. Well, that is, unless you count poorly written opinion pieces produced by individuals who are quick to site “this one family I knew that homeschooled” as their only source. I’ve searched far and wide for some concrete facts proving the downside of homeschooling. I mean, everything has negatives, right? Alas, I’ve been unsuccessful in my quest. Literally, ALL I can find in the way of actual facts and statistics (not mere opinions) does nothing but prove that homeschool is a wonderful option that should be examined closely and seriously considered by any parent who is sincere in making the best choice for their child academically. I know there HAS to be some proof out there to back up the information you have shared so passionately here. I have a whole shelf in my living room of books written about not just homeschooling, but compulsory education in our nation, including its origins and original purpose, which I found fascinating. Judging by the confidence you have spoken with here, you’ve obviously done a lot of research yourself. That being said, as a mother striving to make the most educated choice for my children that I can, I really need for you to share the sources of your knowledge about homeschooling and its long term outcomes. I would be more than happy to do the same for you in return.
Rozane Fulton says
Please excuse my grammatical errors and do not judge all homeschoolers by my mistake. I’m afraid my poor skills with my thumb on my iPhone keyboard are to blame. Because I know we homeschoolers are scrutinized so closely, I’m usually more careful. My apologies. ☺️
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Susan made plenty of mistakes herself.
Jane says
I agree with Rozan, my experiences with my homeschooling and those I’ve known has been different as they have been very successful in college, community participation , and their social life. It’s true there may be an occasional parent who doesn’t teach her two or three kids well but a public school teacher who doesn’t teach well ( and I’ve experienced this with several of my kids teachers during my kids time in public school) affects twenty five children a year for how many years!! I wonder where Susan is from because she needs to find a better place to live if she’s having that many bad experiences, she seems especially bitter towards homeschoolers.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I have so many people I know in my hometown of Mississippi who were homeschooled and are now engineering students with a 4.0. And they’re emotionally stable and mature. Perhaps I could introduce them to Susan if she’s interested.
Thank you for commenting.
Rebekah V says
This was a very well-written article! For the record, I did not see any “broad, generalized assumptions” about anything. Never did you say that all kids are like that, and no one can truthfully deny that there are kids with those behaviors. Everything you say about the cultural (and sub-cultural) tendencies of our schools rings true to my own experience as well: from my own time in public school, the brief time my children were in public school, and from my observations of the current generation.
My husband and I have many reasons for homeschooling, and concern for our children’s social interaction is definitely not least among those reasons. How realistic is it to think that spending seven-eight hours a day with the same group of people the same age as you is setting you up properly for social interactions as an adult? That is the only time in your life that you will be in that particular demographic setup.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you.
Angeli says
Have you heard about this homeschool family? Seems to be a few examples of sound, logical, grounded, educated, and emotionally stable homeschool graduates.
Meet the Family who sent six kids to collage by age twelve.
By Bob Dotson, NBC News
At 7, when many kids figure they might be firemen, Seth announced he would be a military archeologist. His mom, Mona Lisa, encouraged that curiosity. “Wow! That kid was into this!” she marvels.
By 12, Seth was hanging out with students nearly twice his age, studying the Middle Ages at Faulkner University, near his home in Montgomery, Alabama. “How’s he doing?” I ask assistant professor Grover Plunkett.
“He’s got the highest average in the class.”
Seth was motivated by his brother Keith’s success. Keith is just down the hall, studying finite mathematics, a college senior — at 14.
“It makes you wonder,” their friend Wesley Jimmerson says, shaking his head. “Are they advanced, or are we just really behind?”
Sister Hannah was the first of the Harding kids to take college entrance exams — at age 12. “I didn’t expect to pass,” she says, “so I started crying, because I was thinking, ‘Now what?'”
By 22 she was designing spacecraft. She holds master’s degrees in math and mechanical engineering.
Ten-year-old Katrinnah Harding hopes to enter college next year. Her brother Heath started at age 11. He’s finishing his master’s in computer science — at 17.
“If they’re going to be working at my kitchen table,” Mona Lisa says with a smile, “why not earn college credit for what they’re doing?”
Named after her mother’s favorite song, Mona Lisa Harding home-schools her children in the basics, but found that her kids learned more quickly (and got less bored) when they were allowed to study deeply — something they loved.
“I don’t have any brilliant children,” she contends. “I’m not brilliant. My husband’s not brilliant. We’re just average folks.” Who inspired six children to enter college before they became teenagers.
Kip, their dad, didn’t take his own advice. He graduated from college at 25, while flying helicopters in the military. Mona Lisa studied to be a nurse before staying home to teach her kids. They were high school sweethearts who shared a passion for learning.
“The expectation is that you’re going to have a fun day,” Kip says, watching his children play. “Not that you’re going to come home with A’s.”
Each Harding has a different passion. Keith loves music. Rosannah became an architect — at 18. And Thunder James? Well, what’s in a name? The 3-year-old careens down the hall, scattering his brothers and sisters, driving a little electric car.
I can understand maybe convincing one or two children to enter college early, but Mona Lisa has more kids than Mother Hubbard: 10.
She shrugs. “By the time you get down to number five, number six, they just think learning seems normal. We find out what their passions are, what they really like to study, and we accelerate them gradually.”
But what happens to their childhood?
“We didn’t limit their experience,” Mona Lisa says. “They’re taking college classes, but socially, they are just teenagers.” Who live at home, not in college dorms.
“We don’t drop them off at school, 16 credit hours first semester, ‘bye, I’ll see you,'” Kip says. These are not itty-bitty adults. They play with kids their own age, but they don’t wait until they’re older to figure out what they love in life.
Are the parents pushing their kids too hard, too fast?
“All our children would have to tells us is, ‘You know, this isn’t fun any more,” Mona Lisa says, “and we’d do something about that.”
This is what their daughter, Serennah, tells them: “I hope to love you back very well with what I do with my life.”
Like her dad, Serennah chose the military. She’s about to become a Navy doctor at age 22 — one of the youngest physicians in American history.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
I have read this before. It’s interesting how children can excel when the constraints of a typical learning system are removed, and they are allowed to blossom at their own pace.