In a short lifetime so far lived I’ve discovered many things along the way, and some I’m still working on. I’ve learned that life hurts, and I’ve learned that things happen along the way, things you don’t plan and things that don’t go according to plan.
I’ve realized that you don’t always get what you want, and certainly not when you want it. I’ve discovered that bad things happen to good people, and that sometimes good people do bad things.
I’ve learned that words are easily spoken, but harder to unspeak. I’ve realized that not all dreams come true, and sometimes the path you walk in life is littered with sharp stones that scrape the bottom of your tired feet.
I’ve come to understand that I don’t have control over all the circumstances in my life, but that I do have more control than I sometimes think. I’ve discovered that I will mess this up sometimes. More than I care to admit.
I’ve also learned that out of all the things I cannot control, and all the many circumstances I cannot change, that there is one thing I contine to do that makes it worse. And even as I know that I know it does no good I still cannot always keep my heart from worrying about my future, or the future of my family. I worry.
I worry about money, and sickness, and accidents too. I worry about the things I say or the things I do. I even worry about the things I do not say, or the things I fail to do.
I worry about situations beyond my control even as I tell myself not to be concerned. Even as I know my frantic worry cannot, or will not change the outcome of my life, for some reason I fall head first into the worry pit. Time after time.
When the going gets tough I fall short, and I suppose accepting that is the first step to change. When I cannot see a way it is usually because I am blinded by my own tears, and in my own fruitless struggle with inner self I fall flat.
Psalm 55:22
Cast your cares on the LORD and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken.
They say worry doesn’t change anything, but I think it does. I think it makes my problems seem bigger in my eyes. I think it separates me from the love of my Father. I think that somehow in my worry I forget to trust, and my faith suffers. I know my mood certainly does.
It’s easy to trust God when everything is going right, and it’s easy to lean on His understanding when you get what you desire out of life. It’s a bit harder when the road is rough, but I think it’s in these times I can benefit most from taking shelter in His arms.
Lord forgive me when I forget you hold my life in your hand, when I worry about what comes next. Forgive me when I forget your character, and that you have only the best at heart for me and mine.
As always I am a work in progress. Thank you for your patience.