This is a hard post to write, but an important one I now see. I was recently speaking with someone dear to my heart who was experiencing a health scare. As she poured out her fears to me, and we hugged through our collective tears I was amazed at her heart. You see she wasn’t so much worried for her own possible loss of life, but rather for the child she would leave behind.
Later as I drove home I poured over our conversation together, and naturally I tried to place myself in her shoes. What would I be thinking? Like her, I knew a majority of my thoughts would be on my daughters. I would wonder what was left in the wake of my absence.
Being the child of a mother gone too soon I am left with only memories and the lessons my Momma left for me, and I wonder if I died tomorrow, far too young by most any standard, what would my legacy be? If I could impart certain things to my girls, what would I want them to know?
I think this.
1. I love them. It seems so simple, almost not even worth mentioning, yet it’s the most important thing. I might think immediately, of course they know I love them! But when faced with the earthly finality of death I’m left asking myself, but do they really?!
When they remember our last day together will the things I said and the actions I took leave them without a shadow of a doubt? Will our last day together say that their Mom loves them with an eternal, unconditional, undying love?
Even if I happened to get frustrated, and perhaps even raise my voice on our final day would my overall actions show them that they meant the absolute world to me?!
God, I hope so. I pray so. Should I carry myself in a manner on any given day that doesn’t shine the truth to my family that I absolutely and totally adore them?! No, not at all.
2. What matters most. If I died tomorrow would my daughters know what mattered the most to me while I lived on this earth?
What would they call my favorite thing? Would it be a car? My phone? A piece of jewelry? Clothes? Our house? A career? A blog?
I hope that they would know that although those things are great and good that they weren’t the most important, and certainly not my favorite.
I would hope they knew that a loving marriage was important, or that time together as a family ranked up at the top. But most of all I would hope that they knew that in the end all the prior mentioned things meant nothing, and that when I left this world I would take nothing from it with me.
What would matter most would be Jesus, that it mattered while I lived on this earth, but even more so when I passed from it. For I knew from personal experience that He would be the one to give them the strength they needed in my absence.
If ever I succeeded in showing them anything I would hope it would be how to love The Lord with all their heart, and to depend on Him in all things. Even the good times.
3. To not be afraid. I know that if I left this world tomorrow that my babies would miss me terribly, but I would want them to know that there was nothing to fear.
I would want them to know they didn’t have to fear life without me, or even the difficulties that would entail. They wouldn’t have to fear the uncertain future without their Momma because they would never be alone. And even if their Father passed too, they still would never be alone.
I would want them to know that they didn’t have to fear grief, but could embrace joy. I would want them to know that while it hurt to miss me that they didn’t have to fear that pain. I would want them to know it was fleeting, and even if they spent the rest of their earthly lives missing me that they could still rejoice for the reunion we would have one day.
But until that day this lack of fear would serve them well. It would carry them on the wings of trust to be able to transverse through a frightening and uncertain world that was made more comfortable, confident, and promising when surrendered to God.
We are not promised tomorrow, not here on this earth, but we are promised eternity if we so choose. No, I don’t honestly want to die tomorrow, but if I did I know it would be fine. Until that day, though, I pray that my every moment shows my girls the three things I spoke of above. That would be what I wanted them to remember of me.