I find myself in a pretty easy spot right now where the use of social media by my children is concerned. After all they are only four and two. So although my eldest daughter did inform me she wants a phone for her next birthday (heck no!), I am in no way being bugged currently for requests to start a Facebook account. Thank God!
But what of the day when I am? What will I do when faced with a pre-teen wanting to get on social media sites where she might share selfies with her friends?
I am in a situation where I’m getting to see what it will be like. I have an eleven year old stepdaughter, and she has the pre-teen precursor to a real phone, the iPod. I’m watching her use Instagram and now the infamous Snapchat. I’m hearing her beg for a Facebook account, and gratefully I’m hearing her mom say “no!”
I look at this impressionable young lady who is still struggling with who she is and what decisions are smart ones, and I worry. I see her beginning to suffer self-esteem issues, and I watch her take picture after picture of herself.
I watch, and I think about what choices I will make for my daughters when the time comes. I think her mom is doing a fantastic job; I just wonder what my decisions will look like.
I know you’re probably thinking, well, you don’t know what you’ll do until the time comes. But honestly, I think I do. I know exactly what I desire for my girls, and what I don’t.
My husband and I are in agreement that our children will not be granted permission to use social media. Here’s five reasons why.
1. Children do not have the maturity level appropriate for social media. Being a teenager is hard. I remember. It’s hard enough dealing with your peers on a face-to-face basis, but when you add the internet to the mix it goes to a completely different level.
As an adult I have had thirty-seven years of experience interacting with others. In this time I have discovered what is appropriate and what is not. I have discovered what is hurtful to others, and how my words can leave a mark for a very long time. And the thing is, I still mess this up sometimes!
When kids say something hurtful to one another on the bus it’s bad enough, but when they say something cruel on a social network it’s multiplied. Written word is shared, screen shot, and spreads like wildfire. It’s called viral for a reason. It’s sick how quick it spreads.
Kids are inappropriate, they’re cruel, and they’re fickle. It’s always been that way. But when they can put an inappropriate picture of themselves on Instagram or Facebook for the entire world to see it’s not good. It can be deleted, but it never really goes away. Once it’s out there, it’s out there. And a kid who’s your friend today may not be your friend tomorrow. Oh look, there’s that supposedly deleted pic resurfacing.
Articles on the subject will tell you that girls do not reach a true, adult level of maturity with the ability to appropriately make decisions until the age of 24, and men until 28. While those figures sound far-fetched I’m sure those of us in our thirties and beyond will nod agreeably, yep, that’s true. Then we’ll shake our head over decisions we made when we were twenty.
My point is a thirteen year old girl does not have the ability to think beyond right now. Not really. She won’t wonder if her actions right this moment will have a negative impact a few months from now. Or even tomorrow. This is why Snapchat is especially scary. Many young minds assume a picture that “disappears” should be harmless. Poor decisions are made, and young reputations are ruined.
2. The sickos. Y’all, there are some sick folks in this world. We all know it. I realize there’s probably perves watching my girls in Walmart, but once again I believe the internet takes it to a whole different level of evil.
Where else can a 50 year old, pedophile man assume the identity of a twelve year old girl?
My stepdaughter recently was super excited to see a celebrity following her on Instagram. Like she was stoked. One look and I knew it wasn’t the real Ariana Grande (from the show Victorious).
I recently saw a shared post on Facebook from a celebrity giving away a million dollars to 10,000 fans. I followed the link to his page, and what I assume is some random dude had created a page using Eminem’s picture. And the crazy thing is that some 10K people who had liked the page in the three days since it had been created thought he was the real Slim Shady, and that he was giving away money.
There’s weird folks in this world. We protect our kids from strangers in the store so why are we throwing them to the wolves on the internet? I don’t want some pervert doing unimaginable things to images of my child, and never mind if they’re having conversations on-line as “friends.” Have you seen Catfish?!
3. They compare themselves to others. I’m not naive. I know an impressionable teen will do this anyway. I remember looking at my Mom’s Harper Bazaar and thinking, is that how I’m supposed to look? So I realize kids will do it regardless. But why give them one more reason to be self-conscious, or jealous?
Facebook is often a bragging platform. Look at all the beautiful things I have! Even some older women struggle with wanting to keep up with the Joneses. Imagine how a teen going through puberty feels? Once again I don’t think they have the level of maturity to understand “that person isn’t really happy, rather they’re seeking you’re approval.” Instead they assume repeating these behaviors of bragging and scantily clad selfies is appropriate social media etiquette.
Let’s all take seductive selfies in our pajamas while stretched across our bed. This shouldn’t increase the incidence of date rape.
4. You get sucked in. How do I know this? From personal experience. And you know it too. Look around, and you’ll see everyone looking down. Now add in social networks, and it’s even worse.
Occasionally we have to set limits with our daughters playing games on their iPad. If they’ve been glued to the screen too long we take it away. Kids need to play sports and hang out with friends. In person. The internet has only worsened childhood obesity.
5. I can’t control what they see. I’m overprotective. I’m aware of this, and I’m fine with it. I’m going to be the mean, uncool mom, and I’m fine with that too.
I know there’s a whole big, mean world out there. I’m not blind to it by any means, but I refuse to place my child in a situation she is not prepared for, with situations beyond my control to protect her.
I know I cannot keep the world from getting to my daughters, and I cannot shield them from all evil, but I will do everything in my power to protect them as best as I can.
I think when you throw up your hands in surrender saying, “they’re gonna hear about this stuff from their friends anyway,” then you are giving up on your child far too easily. Kids can be taught virtues, morals, and the behaviors that are pleasing to The Lord.
They will eventually see the evil in this world, but my goal is that it can be on my terms and in God’s timing. They will not learn about sex from the internet! That’s what mom and dad are for, so that they receive the right information, not the world’s perverted version.
To my girls I would say: Just because all your friends have Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook (or whatever will be around when mine are older), this does not entitle you to the same. You’re my kid. God placed you with me, and He’s given me the wisdom specific to our family to keep you safe, healthy, and in His will. This doesn’t mean your friend’s parents are wrong. This is just how we’re doing it.
I’m glad I don’t have to worry about this yet with my own young girls, but I’m glad we will be prepared for our course of action when the time arrives. When it does, if you need to reach my daughters just remember Facebook Messenger is naturally out. Try sending a postcard or something. They’ll love that.
So what are your thoughts?
MEGAN BURNS says
I agree with you 100%. My daughter is soon to be 10 and I am already faced with the begging for a phone and social media accounts pretty often. My reply each time is NO!! I may be viewed as the mean Momma in her eyes now, but I would like to keep her innocent and care free for as long as possible and I hope that as she grows older she can respect the reasons behind my answer. I know there are things I see on Facebook myself that often offend me, and sometimes I am left speechless, so I know there is no way I want my soon to be 10 year old to be exposed to these rude and crude people or posts. It is great to know that I am not the only young mother who feels this way. I see several of my daughters friends who are her age and some that are even younger who already have facebook accounts and I don’t know if it is the fact that I work in law enforcement and have for 10 plus years, but I think the parents are crazy for allowing it or for setting these accounts up for them. There are definitely some sick individuals in this world, and as a overly protective and paranoid parent, every time I see another child on facebook I can’t help but question if the parents are totally ignorant to the fact that we live in a very twisted and sick world.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting Megan. Bless you for your work in law enforcement. It sounds like you’re a great mom.
Mary Short says
I totally agree. I taught 7th grade math for 3 years. My students were between 12-14 years old, a very awkward and tough age group. I saw students everyday being cruel and mean to one another. I would hear how they bullied each other on Instagram, Snapchat, and Facebook. It broke my heart. Seeing a 13 year old break down in tears over what another kid said about them on Facebook is just plain awful. I tried to comfort and encourage as best I could, but the damage had already been done. My 13 month old daughter will not be exposed to any social media until my husband and I feel like it’s the right time. I totally agree that as parents, we are placed as guardians for our children to listen to what the Lord would have us do. It’s our job to protect them. My own parents were what some would call overprotective, but I think they did a great job. They listened to the Holy Spirit’s guidance. And that’s exactly what I plan on doing as well.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you. Great comment.