I can still remember the day my husband proposed. It’s been a little over five years ago, but the day still seems crystal clear in the recollections of my now scattered mind. After all five years isn’t a huge amount of time, but when it’s held beside how much our lives have changed it seems like a lifetime ago.
At the time I knew two things right away. One, I knew I loved that man who was down on one knee before me, and two, I was thinking it was about time he bought a ring and popped the question. We sure weren’t getting any younger!
As time wound down towards the day, and even as we stood at the altar exchanging our vows I was certain of one thing. I loved him. That I knew.
As the past five years have sped by I now realize that’s about the only thing I did know for certain. It would turn out, as we became closer and more open to one another, that there was more to him than met the eye, more that I didn’t know. So much more.
I never knew the secrets that were harbored inside that kneeling man’s mind. I didn’t realize there were so many hidden things I did not know about him. I would be almost knocked flat by the revelation of it all.
I don’t think I realized that my love for another could make them open their life to me like a book, and more importantly that I too would lay out my own with a sweet surrender of affection.
I did not know that love could break down walls, abolish shame, or make you desire to share even your ugliest of secrets with the faithful one at your side. I didn’t know love really could conquer all, even the really yucky stuff no one talks about.
When I said “I do” I didn’t realize I would become a mother so quickly thereafter. I didn’t foresee the way my body would change so drastically, or how my mood would swing out of control so dramatically.
I didn’t know the next several years would be so full of sleep deprivation, self-depreciation, or so many sometimes frantic tears.
I had no idea I would question myself so repeatedly, or doubt my abilities so stringently. How could I have known?
When I stood with my hand in his, and the preacher presented us as husband and wife to the world I had no idea that the man to my left would become my world. I didn’t realize that even as I felt like my own little world was spinning out of control that his compassion and his strength would ground me, or that his unconditional love would anchor me so steadily.
I didn’t know that even at my absolute worst he would see my best. After long nights with little sleep, and long days with little, personal upkeep that he would say, “you’re beautiful. I missed you.”
I never realized that my darkest, dirtiest secrets would be of little concern to one who loved me no matter what. My faults would matter not, and my mistakes would be forgiven. How could I have known?
When we spent our first night together as husband and wife I am certain that I never knew that the passion we experienced would not only last, but that it would grow. Exponentially. It would blossom under the care of unconditional love. I probably hoped this would be so, but I never imagined it could be.
As we started our married life together five years ago I never realized I would be this happy. I knew there would be good times, but I didn’t realize that they would somehow always overshadow the bad. I knew problems would come, and they did. And still do. But I did not realize that the struggles, uncertainties, or difficulties would seem inconsequential when compared to the commitment of an undying love.
I had no clue that even in the face of hardships I could count it all as blessings. A blessing because I was not alone. My husband was by my side. Somehow you can still smile despite strife when you’re happy with the hand that holds you. I didn’t know that before.
There were so many things I did not know when I first married my husband. I just knew I loved him. And I love him still. I just didn’t know I’d love him even more with each passing day.
Happy Anniversary my love. I look forward to many more years of learning things I did not know.
Georgana Jones says
I completely relate to this post. After 13 years with Casey, I have learned things about him that has blown my mind, infuriated me, and has made me love him more. He and I have both brought in baggage that has made our relationship difficult and unique.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you for commenting and sharing. I am so grateful that my husband and I were able to allow the Lord to deal with our own baggage so that we could be more productive for one another, and for His kingdom. Although we continue to unpack. 😉
Georgana Jones says
I leave a lot to the Lord, although I still walk beside him and help carry my burden. The Lord will take all you hand to him, but I also believe He wants us to help ourselves. Therefore, Casey and I work VERY hard to be the best we can be. I pray that you will be as happy in 50 years as you are now!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much!