“Momma, who’s your best friend?”
I replied, “Your Daddy.”
“Well who’s Daddy’s best friend?”
I replied easily, “Me.”
This was a recent conversation I had with my three year old, and although she ran off immediately seeming uninterested, I was hopeful that she had heard every word I said. I was sure she had.
Little kids hear most everything and see even more. My biggest prayer is always that I can be a positive influence, and be half the woman she deserves me to be. I would also hope that the example my husband and I set of marriage would be appropriate and something she can learn from and use in her own future relationships.
We haven’t always done things right by any means, and we’re far from perfect, but I feel like when our children see us hug and smile at one another they never doubt our love for each other. There are things I will teach her as she grows older, but some things she will simply learn by our example. She will learn these things that every wife should know.
1. Your husband is your best friend. I told my child this one, but I’m pretty sure she already had it figured out by simply watching us.
And it’s true. A wife’s best friend should always be her husband. He should be the one you stay up for, tell your deepest secrets, and share your loftiest dreams. You should desire his company and he yours.
A marriage is a team concept sure, but you should also enjoy spending time with the other person. If you don’t then you might want to try and figure out why. Are you spending all your free time with your girlfriends or other family? While an occasional girl’s night out is fine I believe your husband deserves the majority of your time.
Between work and childcare the amount of free time a woman has is slim. Factor in time spent cleaning and on hobbies, and you’re left with even less hours in the day. Sometimes you have to make time. Make time to spend with your best friend, and if that best friend is anyone other than your husband you might need to rethink things.
2. Don’t talk bad about your husband to your family. My child will never hear me speak bad about her father. Ever.
Let’s say you’re spending your free time with your family instead of your best friend, your husband. Why is that? Is your opinion of your spouse being affected by that of your family? More importantly, how are you depicting him to your family?
If you rush-off to spill your discourse to your family, half-cocked and angry after a disagreement with your spouse, don’t be surprised when they later despise him. You can’t expect your family to respect your husband if you do not. And if you’re telling every one of his faults to them then you are not respecting him.
I agree that finding the counsel of another woman, preferably an older woman with more years of happily married experience under her belt is a plus, but if you are constantly airing the worst about your husband to others then that is all they will ever see. You then have no right to be angry when they hate him. You see?
This also goes the same for over-sharing the private matters of your relationship with your girlfriends. Some things are better left to be discussed in prayer, and then with your spouse. Not an outside party. He’ll likely find out your discussions of discontent and be hurt. Imagine how you would feel if he discussed with his buddies how terrible your skills as a cook are, or how your figure went out the window after the last baby. Men have feelings too, and we sometimes forget that.
3. Don’t focus of your husband’s failures. If you are a woman and your husband is a man then you’re going to notice immediately how different you are. The physical is just the tip of the iceberg. The emotional differences are vast, and what you consider of upmost importance will vary. While a bedroom carpet free of dirty clothes may be my thing, it might not rank up there with my hubby.
The differences in men and women are varied, and the things you will see as undesirable are many, but how you choose to deal with that is paramount. You cannot change another person, and you can’t make them fit a mold. But you can accentuate the positive rather than dwelling on the negative. You can decide what issues are important and deserving of further discussion, and then you can let the rest go. Some differences are just that, and while you might find them annoying they are not worth consistently fighting about. Not if you’re in it for the long haul. Who wants to be told about the toilet seat or how to clean the bathroom sink for fifty years?
Instead of letting the fact that your husband leaves his stinky socks balled up under the couch consume you try to focus on how he always takes out the garbage, without you even asking.
Another thing to consider is that you’re not Betty Crocker, Martha Stuart, or even Mary Poppins. Unless you’re a perfect wife then you have no right to nitpick all the faults of your spouse. I’m quite certain there’s a ton of idiosyncrasies I have that my husband lets go. And I’ve been pretty hormonal lately, so actually I’m definite there is.
I still have to work daily to be the wife my husband deserves, and I know he in turn does the same. He’s my best friend, and my confidant. I only speak highly of him to others as I know he does of me. We have built this mutual respect and loving relationship that is Christ-centered, and therefore it is unconditional. I’m grateful my daughters can see it, and know what to expect of marriage in the future.
Karen S. says
Well said! I needed to hear this.
I am a fan of Martha Stewart, Pioneer Woman, (and the like) and as I learn from them I see areas I can improve as a homemaker, mother, and wife. My aim is to focus time and energy on these areas instead of critiquing my family at home!
Thanks for another great post. (I just shared the very pertinent nursing post for my co-workers.)
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!
April Hodges says
Wow, wish I had known all of this when I first got married. Would have prevented a LOT of heartache. Glad to know that you are reaching out to others to let them know 🙂 Your posts are always so timely!
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much.
Kyna Talley says
Love love love this can’t wait to share with my sisters and hopeful that my teenage daughters will pick up on these things very early in life
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thank you so much. Glad you enjoyed and want to share.