I put my phone down. I laid it face down on the arm of the chair and I began to weep. I was honestly surprised by the tears that began to rack my body, and I sobbed in silence for fear of waking the sleeping baby in my arms. Why was the world so cruel dear Lord?!
Sometimes, no, often times, especially lately, it seemed like the whole dang world was falling apart, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Something as simple as reading the comment thread on social media (something my husband would later say to me, “never do that!”) could open your eyes to the blatant cruelty of humanity. So many people angry, hearts hardened, and spewing hatred and cynicism, or perhaps wearing sarcasm like armor to protect their own hidden feelings.
It wasn’t just the outlandish comments of strangers on Facebook, or one might easily decide to just shut that application down for good. No, it went beyond angry Tweets, and the like. It was headlines, news stories, real life riots, violence, and disrespect for the gift of human life.
I was confronted with the sheer volume of people who deny the name of Christ, and it honestly broke my heart. It wasn’t so much that I thought I was right, but rather that I knew He was, and the reality of a world without Jesus made me feel like my heart was breaking, and in essence it was.
I imagined how I would feel if the children I had birthed into this world turned their backs to me despite the deep, undying love I held for their precious lives. How would it tear me apart if I loved them, yet they refused to love me, and even worse, one another?
Sometimes I grow so comfortable in my perfect little world, my happy home, my Christian family, surrounded by a peace that surpasses all understanding, and I forget there’s a world outside my doorstep that is slowly dying, and writhing in agony for reasons they can’t begin to understand. The side effects from a separation of God, an emptiness that stems from a broken relationship with their maker, yet they cannot see.
The emotional turmoil of opening your heart to this matter is so overwhelming that it’s no wonder we choose not to see. The grief I push away is forever on my Savior’s mind as He holds a gift He gave some 2000 years ago. His arms extend with eternal life to give away, and incredibly the solution to the whole darn mess, and instead of being told, “thank you,” He is mocked, jeered, and laughed at, similarly to the day of His earthly death.
Seeing this affront to my reason for being is enough to make me cry raw tears, and enough to make me want to give up on this world, and the mess it has created for itself. It’s enough, yet He does not.
He does not give up on them. And for me that’s enough to keep hold of hope, hope that one day we won’t allow petty differences to divide us, or the angry, hateful people to infect us. It’s enough to try and see them through His eyes, to see that the anger is actually brokenness, and that the hate is actually hurt. A broken world in need of a Savior, but one who is mighty and able to save no matter my reservations. Whether I think someone is “changeable,” or willingly to be healed of their pain is irrelevant.
Because He can, so can I. I can do my part to be kind and gracious, even to those who oppose me, serving those who will give me nothing in return, and shining the light of His love to those I encounter. Even if they are determined to not see it. I’ll just shine anyway.
One look around and it does seem like a big old mess we’ve gotten ourselves into. It seems like the whole dang world is falling apart! But then I’m reminded. Then I remember that in this battle the victory has already been sealed. No matter what I see, and especially because of what I can’t, I must hold hope and courage for the eternal victory I have in Christ, the eternal win for His church, for His bride.
The mess seems less chaotic when I remember who holds control, who holds my life, and in fact this world in the palm of His hand.
To open your eyes to the breaking world around you is needed, and even to grieve her is good, but never allow a feeling of defeat to consume you, for the war has already been won before you were even born. And no degree of mess that surrounds us can take that away.