Dear Hormones,
Sigh. Well, here we are again. I know I’ve written to you before, but after the past few psychotic weeks I’ve endured I thought we really needed to have another heart-to-heart.
The thing is, I hate you. Okay, I’m sorry. That’s harsh. I love you in my own way, so maybe we can just agree to disagree on what’s best for me. Let’s call ours a love/hate relationship.
And after the past couple of weeks of manic rage coupled with uncontrollable weeping, I am ready to throttle you, but then I get all nostalgic over our history together and I start crying over the fact that I’m so unforgiving of your mood swings. I try to remember that you’re a gift in your own way, and a part of how I can bring forth a life. Bittersweet for sure. I suppose the wide spectrum of my emotions for you doesn’t surprise you a bit, huh?
Last night I actually had a dream that I put a Vulcan death grip on a co-worker simply for disagreeing with me. As I lowered her motionless body to the floor I thought, this isn’t me! I mean, I certainly don’t know how to make someone pass out with my own hand, and while I’m sure I could figure it out in a pinch, or at the very least find a tutorial on YouTube, rendering someone unconscious isn’t usually my thing. But these past couple of weeks I’ve come real close.
I realized what an evil adversary you can be when I became pregnant with my first child. I almost cut my friends who had gone before me in the motherhood journey for not telling me how absolutely insane my life would become thanks to “pregnancy hormones.”
I’m not sure I would have made the concrete decision to child-bear ahead of time had I known the chaos that would ensue. Mood swings, heartburn, and fatigue were the easy ones. It was the off-the-wall changes that got me the most. Skin tags, gingivitis, and memory loss. Insanity. Joint pain like I was ninety, hemorrhoids, bacne, and facial hair? I thought you were just being cruel. Even now I must fight a five o’clock shadow, and while I always secretly loved Tom Selleck, I never wanted to personally sport his ‘stache.
I assumed you would back off once I had the baby, and even decided to give pregnancy another go. I figured it would be better the second time around, and surely you would “take it easy on me.”
Two years. Almost two years have gone by and you are still wreaking havoc in my life. Unexpected rage? Check. Pitiful weeping over crap that isn’t even sad? You betcha.
I ask myself, is it lactational hormones? Who knows! Your cruel onslaught of reoccurring symptoms make a woman crazily question the cause as if one can be found. Is it my period or am I pregnant? Maybe I’m crazy…
Flying off the handle over simple inconveniences? Curses muttered over a broken dish? I blame you. I can’t help it. Why else would I jump into a rant about the unfairness of the exorbitant cost of living when I see the vending machine raised the price of Diet Coke by ten cents? Someone has to be responsible for my irrational meltdowns, and I’m pinning it on you my friend. You owe me that at the very least after all the crying spells I’ve gone through over diaper commercials and Hallmark movies.
And though it pains me, I have decided that you will never leave. Your characteristic symptoms alerting me to your presence will not abate. It seems we’re in for the long haul, so we might as well get along. After all, I guess I really couldn’t do it without you.
I’ll have a headache for no reason, drop my phone, and lose my keys in the name of hormonal harmony. It’s fine. Really.
If I get arrested, though, you’re going to have to bail me out, although I feel I must warn you that if I ever see you face-to-face I will likely pull out my Vulcan grip. You understand, right?
Until then just remember…
I hate you/I love you,
Brie
Cindy Quiocho says
Hi Brie, I want to thank you for recently including me on your email distribution. I am really enjoying reading your vignettes. I love to write also, and maybe share something with you later. Your writing is very clear, concise and heartwarming. How long did you have your writings posted?
Cindy Q.
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks for commenting and subscribing to the blog via email. I’ve been blogging here for a little over a year and a half. It’s a great experience for me. Thanks for the compliment. Glad you enjoy.
Lisa says
Well Brie you’ve hit the nail on the head again!! Thanks for reminding me I’m not alone on the hormonal roller coaster!! I love reading all your story’s.
❤Lisa
brieann.rn@gmail.com says
Thanks so much!