The year between three years old and four years old is a magical, yet difficult time in the parenting journey of your child. They’re old enough that they can self-entertain so you may do something exhilarating like balance the checkbook in the next room without fear of them eating a box of crayons, yet still young enough that you have to peek in on them every few minutes to make sure they haven’t caught the kitchen on fire.
They’re seeking autonomy and self-reliant enough to desire to dress themselves and pick out that orange and pink striped shirt with the mint green, plaid shorts, yet can implode in an instant when the credits of their favorite cartoon begin to roll and subsequently send them melting into the carpet in a pile of their own tears.
It’s hard not to get frustrated when the same kid that just had a lengthy conversation with you about the solar system suddenly throws a major hissy fit over not being allowed to board a spaceship to the moon. It’s like one second they’re your big girl/boy, but then the next you’re working your best magic to quell the torrent of unrealistic tears pouring down their red face. It’s a challenge to say the least.
Yesterday my own three year old was falling into a fit of tears all day long. There was no rhyme or reason to her meltdowns. Believe me, I tried to figure it out.
Little kid’s tears are the simplest, most complex anomaly ever, and I recently broke my child’s into a few subcategories. Here’s a deconstruction of her cries.
The I’m not getting what I want cry. This is the easiest to understand really. This cry usually comes while in the store. “Momma. Can I get that?” To which you reply, “no dear.” *Insert an onslaught of tears driven by the horrendous fact that said child will not receive their immediate heart’s desire.
This cry covers such travesties as being denied sweet treats, being forced to nap, or being told it’s time to go home when you are somewhere fun like the park.
The uh-oh I’m in trouble cry. This is the cry that is issued when the preschooler is caught red-handed doing something they’re not supposed to do. “Why is your little sister crying?” or “Who got in my make-up?” *Insert bellowing cries of fear for the imagined punishment that is forthcoming.
This cry usually comes directly after exuberant, evil laughter, making it all the more bi-polar, unexpected, and headache inducing to the parent.
The irrational fear cry. This one is kind of pitiful, yet it’s still annoying. Like you hold them and pat their little head, but a part of you wants to scream, “Are you freaking serious?!” You don’t. You just keep repeating, “There, there baby. It’s ok. The neighbor isn’t going to run you over with the lawnmower. Let go of Mommy’s neck please. She can’t breathe.”
The you just got on to me cry. Maybe this is just my kid. I don’t know. But whenever I correct my child for bad behavior you would think I cut her with my shiv or something. I seriously fear sometimes that strangers will think I beat her.
“Don’t bite your sister again! Do you hear me?!” *Insert hysterical tears and blubbering reply from child of, “You hurt my feelings more than anything in the whole world.” Seriously. She really said that.
The exaggeration cry. This unexpected spell of ensuing tears and wailing comes with a circumstance that doesn’t require the waterworks. “There’s something in my eye!! Ahhhh! Get it out!!” They never really calm down enough for you to fix the problem is the thing. They’re too busy freaking out.
Common causes for this particular cry include bugs, animals, strangers, heights, weather, loud noises, toys that stop working, clothes that are too tight, food that is too hot, or anything else that disrupts their tiny little world for even the briefest of moments.
Imagined injury cry. This happens when a child thinks they’re hurt, but they’re really not. (Naturally there will be tears in the face of a true injury, but I’m only including ridiculous forms of crying in this post.) The imagined injury cry might happen if you swat a mosquito on your three year old’s arm and they see blood. *Insert screaming cries. “I’m bleeding! I don’t like blood! I don’t like bugs! I don’t like summer!”
This cry is especially prevalent if a parent or other adult asks, “Are you okay?!” after a harmless tumble.
Thankfully, and interestingly enough, a simple kiss can usually cure this ailment.
The no apparent reason cry. I saved the best for last. This is the most exasperating cry the parent of a preschooler can hear. Its cause is always unknown, and attempts to decipher the crying code will only escalate into more tears. “Why are you crying?!” This will bring the sputtering response of the child, “Stop yelling at me!”
But you didn’t yell, did you?! Doesn’t matter. The tears have already multiplied beyond what can be contained. A nap or bedtime is usually the only cure for this particular cry.
While the ridiculous cries of your budding child are usually akin to nails on a chalkboard, you compose yourself and cuddle their tiny frame. You know that one day the tears will dry, and they won’t need your calming cuddles any longer. And then you cry your own tears. Those are called the my baby is growing up cries. To which I say, “There, there mommy. It’s okay.”