- It was absolutely horrible that first year out of school as a new registered nurse. I remember initially turning down a job from a hospital because they were offering to pay me as a new graduate. I had been delivering care as a Navy Corpsman and felt I was more advanced than your run-of-the-mill new graduate. Then I started my first job in critical care and my tiny mind was blown. I was confronted with the fact of just how little I really knew. I was like a big ole sponge in a tiny body. I didn’t just learn something new every time I worked, but rather learned a lot of new somethings. Bless the heart of my preceptor for her patience in the face of my arsenal of questions. I was basically a nervous wreck. I would pray my way to work, begging God that I wouldn’t mess up too bad and end up unwillingly killing someone. I lost 20 pounds as I was usually nauseated, and seldom had an appetite to speak of. When I arrived for my shift, an astounding 30 minutes early, my first stop was usually the bathroom to suffer from a nervous stomach. I was kind of like a little jack-in-the box back then. I was just one crank away from exploding out of my box of sanity. I watched the nurses around me throughout that season of my life with envy and awe. How could they laugh so easily while chaos ran rampant, telling a joke while a patient lay unresponsive and struggling, but never missing a beat in the orchestra of saving a life. I just didn’t get it, but I wanted to.
- My husband is as cool as a cucumber. When I get worked up about something, which is pretty often, he is like an anchor that keeps me from going adrift. When I got all bent out of shape about overdrawing our checking account, he responded with, “Haha. It happens to everybody.” Seriously, that is a direct texted quote. Yesterday he texted me nonchalantly about the baby having a fever greater than 102. I’ll be honest. I wanted to flip out a little bit. He helped reel me in and remind me that she was non-symptomatic and happy as could be. In the face of trouble, conflict, or mix-ups he is a stone wall. Occasionally I want to peek behind his ear for a microchip or something to indicate he is really a robot. Either that or shake him with unbridled jealousy for his stoic nature. Truthfully, though it sometimes drives me a teensy bit crazy, mostly I’m envious of his calm, collected demeanor in the face of adversity. He continues to inspire me, as I think I occasionally do him.
- This morning when I woke I was bone tired. (Today I actually felt like I could possibly be diagnosed with narcolepsy, for I was certain I almost passed out while standing a number of times). I stood in the shower and realized I felt dread. I don’t like that feeling as I think it’s kinfolk to fear. I found myself a little worried about what my day would hold, and was concerned if I was up for it. I had the opportunity this morning to read a couple of scriptures, and they seemed to be following a central theme even though they were in two different devotional locations.
Isaiah 26:3
3 You will keep in perfect peace
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.
John 14:1
Jesus Comforts His Disciples
1 “Do not let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God; trust also in me.
So, at that point I was wondering, Oh dear. What kind of day must be in store for me if God is trying so hard to get His point across?! Today was a full day, full of many jobs, many responsibilities, many concerns, many problems. But I had made up my mind before I walked in the door that I would be in perfect peace. I committed that first verse to memory and repeated it to myself before I left my car. Some might say a calm demeanor in nursing is earned after experience in the field. I can agree with that, but attitude is everything. You can decide whether you want to approach your day with dread and spastic worry, or with an attitude of peace and calm, level-headed determination. If you just know it’s going to be bad, then it likely will be. You’ve written the end of the story before it’s even begun. Your attitude will also flow into others. It’s like when a baby falls. If you act panicked or concerned, they’ll cry. Laugh, and they do too. Approach those around you with joy, positivity, and serenity, and they’ll give it back. Any situation goes smoother if those around you feel like you have it under control. I remember a song from the musical The King and I that had the chorus whistled. It went a little like this:
Whenever I feel afraid, I hold my head erect and whistle a happy tune, so no one will suspect I’m afraid.
The result of this deception is very strange to tell, for when I fool the people I fear, I fool myself as well.
I do like that, but I got to thinking that faith is even better than that. Faith isn’t a deception. Faith is believing the very solid truth that our God is in control. When you can convince your stubborn human mind to remember that, then the panic, fear, dread, etc. dissipates and calm, clarity ensues. I still use a few coping mechanisms as well to calm myself. If you hear me singing while a patient is circling the drain, realize that I’m not a weirdo, that’s just my way of relaxing myself. So, next time you feel afraid, try it. Whistle a little tune. Sing a little song. Pray. Accept the perfect peace. It makes things a great deal easier.
That is all 🙂