- I feel kinda melancholy today. I don’t know what people think of me when they read my blog. Do they think I’m a goody-goody, a hypocrite, a wanna be super Mom, or perhaps unrealistic? I don’t suppose it really matters. I spent far too much of my young life worrying about what others thought. I decided some time ago, with God’s help, that I need not be concerned with others’ view of me. All I am is reborn, remade, redeemed. That being said, I share so much of my personal life, opinion, and experiences because it feels right. It feels like something I need to do, and if you enjoy my open sincerity, then I’m honestly pleased. I pray over what I write, and I think it’s something I’ll keep doing for now. If you have any suggestions or requests for topics you enjoy, please feel free to message me.
- Now, I’ll get off that tangent and back to the melancholy feeling I’m in. I suppose it’s because it’s the end of the week. I sometimes get that way right before going back to work. I’ve prayed and prayed about it. I feel like God has put desires in my heart for something different in my life. I feel like those dreams are still to be realized, but His timing is different than mine. I know He is working. I know He is changing my heart and attitude on things. I know He doesn’t want me to forget the dreams He’s placed in my heart. I think He enjoys my persistence in prayer. I could be wrong, but that’s how I feel. I would hope that it’s apparent to anyone who reads my daily ramblings to know that I love my life beyond measure. So when I speak of dreams and desires, I’m not dissatisfied with what I have. Rather I feel like God has placed those desires in me to challenge me to want to go further with what He has for me and my family. Some days in the waiting, I have to remind myself it’s for a purpose. Let me know if you agree or this makes sense to you too. Sometimes I feel alone in this blogosphere.
- Today I put my infant daughter in her Bumbo seat. She looked so big sitting there, yet when I looked down on her from a standing position above her, she looked so small. Hold that thought. She sat and watched me fold laundry, giggling and making razzing sounds. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch a baby grow, to watch them learn new things and become more independent. Yet, they still depend on me, no matter how much they grow. This is especially true when they realize they can’t accomplish something on their own. Children’s lives so easily and simply parallel that of a relationship with God. I have grown so much over the past few years, but I realize I am still very small (especially from the vantage point of God’s eyes). I have learned so much, but still have a long way to go. There is laughing and there are tears in the growth experience. I have things I want to do, but if I’m not there yet, I can’t do it. I’ve got to crawl before I can walk. It’s when I realize I can’t reach something and ask for help, that my Father picks me up and lifts me higher. Sometimes I forget that though, and try to do it myself or scream like Veruca Salt “I want it now!” Perhaps that’s what my mood today is about. I want it now God. Patience my child, He whispers to me. And now you know, dear reader, that I am still a baby myself.
That is all 🙂
Anna says
I’ve been in your shoes before, getting a feeling of homesickness in my insides every weekend. I loved being a nurse but my heart was at home too. I prayed for over 2 years for something that would allow me to leave that homesickness behind. Then God gave me Granny. Home and nursing at the same time. You may not get a Granny in the end but I know He has the perfect plan for you. I’m praying that you will be able to be at peace and continue to see Him at work in your longing. (But it would be really cool if He gave you a Granny. I promise. She is also His answer to my baby fever. Isn’t He hilarious?)
Brie says
Thank you Anna. I’m glad to have someone who understands how I feel. I’m grateful for what I have, but long for more of it! My new prayer code will be “Granny” 🙂
zazazu says
I love the beauty and honesty of this post.
I like your blog exactly as it is. Your honesty in how you feel and how you deal with your children and what you think is fascinating and refreshing. I do not have any desire for children but to be privy to thoughts and feelings from someone who loves being a Mother as much as you do is such a special and wonderful thing.
So, please carry on as you have been. I love all your posts and, although I may not comment on many of them, I do read them each and everyday.
Big love. 🙂
Brie says
Thank you Karen! Such a nice comment and it made my heart smile 🙂