- On any given day, so many random musings make their way through my fuddled brain. What follows is a messy conglomeration on such: This morning, as I tried to reach the toilet paper with a miniature, non-stop talker standing on a step stool beside me, I thought, “I love my children and I’m gonna miss them when they move out, but at least I’ll have my private bathroom time back.” I find it amusing when you’re so frazzled by your child pestering you that you resort to giving in and saying something you don’t mean, like, “Fine. Do whatever you want to do. Here’s the lotion. Go tear up the house!” They run off excitedly. You take a deep breath. Then you go to check on them to make sure they’re not tearing up the house. These actions can often bring me to another realization, that for some reason I have to keep reminding myself of. See, I’m a huge smart*#%. But dang it. Small kids just don’t get sarcasm. If you say, “well, since you’re the one in charge who pays all the bills, you can do whatever you want today,” they’re not gonna get it. They just look at you with those wide eyes and sweet grin, no doubt happy over the chance to be in charge. I realized, no rather was reminded anew, that my hormones are no where near back to normal. Chloe usually uses Elmo or Sponge Bob bubbles. Yesterday I bought a bottle of genuine Mr. Bubble bubbles. This morning as I poured them into the tub, the scent wafted up to me. It elicited memories of my childhood that brought tears to my eyes. Bubbles people! I can’t make this stuff up. Sigh. Bring on the hormonal self esteem issues. Am I the only person who starts watching what they eat, and feeling proud at the end of the week, steps on the scale and is rewarded with weight gain?! I had to make myself feel better by saying it was my body holding on to excess weight for breastfeeding purposes. Yeah, that’s the ticket. I hope you don’t have to say to yourself today what I did when I got in my car, “What fast food is in here that’s making it smell like wet cat food?!” It was a urine saturated diaper forgotten in the back hatch. Febreeze even cringes at that.
- Last night as I was getting the girls ready for bed, I just felt saturated with joy. Don’t you love that feeling? I was changing a poopy baby diaper and feeding Chloe dinner at the same time. No, I don’t recall if I washed my hands or not. After wiping Bailey, Chloe called from her chair that she was done. I buckled Bailey down and then I went and I wiped the food from Chloe’s face with a wet towel and she gave me a cheesy grin. I went back to Bailey. She was waiting patiently and gave me a huge grin. She quickly became fussy after that, as she was ready for sleep. Both girls got pajamas on. As we went through bedtime routine, with one lovely girl on each side of me, I felt so happy.
- I often pray while I think about things. Last night, as I rocked one of my babies, I thought and prayed. I thought about that joy I spoke of above. I prayed a thank you for that joy, but I thought about its origin. I discovered true love when I had a child. I often thank God for showing me such a love. Then I thought how that about the time I had a child, I also changed many aspects of my life that were keeping me from experiencing all of God’s goodness. So, which came first, the chicken or the egg? Did becoming a Mother show me how to love or did a loving relationship with Christ show me the way? I’ve seen women birth a child, but lack a loving relationship with them. Then there comes the fact that as my relationship with Christ deepened, so in turn did my relationship with my spouse bloom. I think that impending Motherhood encouraged me to change my life, but I think the power of God truly changed it. I think becoming a Mother brought me the love of a child, but knowing God’s character, taught me how to truly love my children. God is love, therefore it’s common sense that knowing Him will teach you how to know Love. Understanding how much Jesus loved you to die for you, will undoubtably teach you how to love your spouse. My children bring me joy, but my relationship with The Lord ingrained that joy deep within me and showed me how to gain that joy from His gifts.
That is all 🙂